To my students

I'm not a very easy person to get to know. It's not that I'm unfriendly; in fact, I'm actually pretty outgoing. I'm just an introvert. For some reason it's hard for me to put myself out there into the world. Sure, I can discuss weather or sports or even politics, even with complete strangers. People may even think that I'm quite easy going. But it is a different thing entirely for me to discuss myself, my feelings, my beliefs. I don't "wear my heart upon my sleeve for daws to peck at," as Iago would say. I think every person has an intense desire to be known, to be understood. Yet, despite this desire, letting myself be known is very difficult for me.

It's ironic, then, that I am a teacher. Because, at its heart, teaching is letting one's self be known. Parker Palmer, one of my favorites, writes about teaching: "Teaching, like any truly human activity, emerges from one's inwardness, for better or worse. As I teach, I project the condition of my soul onto my students, my subject, and our way of being together. The entanglements I experience in the classroom are often no more or less than the convolutions of my inner life. Viewed from this angle, teaching holds a mirror to the soul" (The Courage to Teach 2). When I began teaching, I thought teaching meant enabling my students to experience language and literature. This is, of course, a part of my teaching life. But I have found teaching to be so much more. Each day, I share more than just the rules of using an apostrophe or the definition of iambic pentameter with my students. In my interactions with literature and writing in front of my students, and in my daily interactions with my students themselves, I "project the condition of my soul onto my students." The act of teaching is the act of wearing your heart on your sleeve for daws to peck at. The very process of teaching is the process of continual self-examination and reflection, but with and in-front of one's students. My students don't know everything about me. They don't know the crazy stuff I used to do in college or my favorite curse words to say when I get angry driving down the highway. And yet, in some ways, they know me just as well as some of my closest friends. Together we have laughed, learned, and discovered. We have disappointed one another at times, but we always manage to start again each day.

To my students: I am so profoundly grateful for you. You have given a job a love going to each day. I am a person that does not always feel comfortable sharing who I am, and yet, by being your teacher, I was able to learn so much about myself, and hopefully share some of that knowledge with you. I have seen you exhibit such grace, integrity, and curiosity. It is my hope that you have learned from me, as I have learned from you. I used to think that my job as a teacher was to help my students learn how to be better versions of themselves. I see now, that is what you all have been teaching me.